My last session with my T wasn't that great. We talked about how the last legal meeting went and I wasn't that into it. I get tired of that stuff. A couple of times we seemed at odds. I would say something and he would interurrupt, "no, you're not getting it at all," and then he would explain but what he said was what I had been trying to say so I had been "getting it." It felt frustrating to feel reprimanded for no reason at all. I did say at one point after he finished explaining, "that's what I was trying to say," and he said "I know."

I did ask him what he was doing over his break (it will be 18 days between my sessions), and he talked about that and I liked that. In our early days together, I liked how he self-disclosed but did not feel comfortable asking him to do it. I just accepted it willingly when he did it. But recently I am so comfortable with him, I can ask him direct questions about his personal life. It feels good to have reached that point--it makes it more of a mutualistic relationship. For break, he is sticking around and will be doing work around the house. Cleaning up, getting rid of old junk, painting rooms. I want to do some of that too over the break, so I felt a connection there. I also really liked picturing him painting the rooms, getting paint on his clothes and holding a paint roller. That was the best thing I remember about the session.

We didn't talk about the long break ahead in terms of it might be hard for me. I am now assumed to be competent and functional and able to go several weeks without therapy. I don't think he sees me as needing extra support and I didn't ask for it or indicate the break would be a problem for me in any way. Frankly, I didn't think it would. I've been doing really great.

But the last few days have been really hard, and I've felt depressed. Not because of not seeing T but because of specific bad interactions with family members that really make me feel down and the stress of the first Christmastime separated from my husband. I realize that usually if I felt down, I could hold it a few days until I saw T and then he could help and I could let the feelings go with him. But now I don't have him there for me. And times are hard right now.

I guess I feel like his going away is not a problem for me if nothing bad comes up, but it did. So now I wish he wasn't gone so long. But on the other hand, I feel too depressed to go see him. I don't want to talk to him about what the problem is. So maybe I don't want his help. I don't understand.

We have no plan about phone calls. He is not a phone person and it would be intrusive to call him during his break. My expectation is that he is not checking his answering machine over break. I could email him, and actually did the first day after session, but he was still working then, and responded right away. I guess I think he also might not answer emails over his break. After all, he is taking a break, a vacation, freedom from all his clients, so I need to respect that.

He scheduled me for the first day he is back from break. I didn't ask for that and don't know what it means.

Well, that is rambling. Jello, I think it is really nice you made a thread where we can come dump stuff if we need to.

Perna, I want to do spring cleaning too. My brand new vacuum cleaner broke last week and no way do I want to go to the mall to return it to have it serviced. Not during holiday shopping!

Jello, it is really nice for you to hear how much your T liked your cake.