I really understand exactly how you feel. I'm very grateful that I go to the beach the first two weeks of June and to the mountains for a week in October. I have really bad anxiety before we go and don't want to go. It's split about 50-50 about what happens from there...I either enjoy it and was glad I came or my condition gets worse and I spend the time on vacation talking to my tdoc. A few times it's been mixed. You're not alone in that feeling and you're not ungrateful. I hope you start feeling better soon. Thinking of you.