Quote:
Originally Posted by I.Am.The.End.
I just remember my best friend from middle school through college saying when I came out to her something to the effect that it was okay to be bi, but I could never act on it. It seems benign talking about it now, but it broke my heart and destroyed our friendship then.
I've struggled to accept having ANY sexual feeling and even though I've been in a heterosexual relationship with the same person for nearly 3 years, I'm still nervous and uncomfortable with sex. There are so many things I'd like to try, but if I'm too nervous about just basic sex, then anything past that would be terrifying. I don't know if that makes sense. He'd be fine if I experienced being with a girl, but I never ever would. I would just be jealous of him for experiencing it, even though he's technically experiencing it with me.
Throughout my life, my sexual desires have been gross, wrong, or creepy. I can't undo that damage.
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Sometimes, when you're not expressing yourself, it's easy to drift away from what you really feel and just start going through the motions because you think that's what you have to do. But, that also can become a trap. You can get used to going through the motions and become accustomed to the idea that your feelings are unimportant, or even irrelevant. That is not a happy way to live, even if it feels safer than the alternative.
Honestly that friend you talked about was not much of a friend if she would say that to you. Clearly what she said was hurtful to you. There is nothing wrong with being, or acting on being, bi. Some people are judgmental but, they're judgmental purely out of ignorance. They don't necessarily know what it's like to be in your situation--everyone's situation is unique. So those people have no place telling you what you should do, or how you should be. There is no good reason for another person to place limitations on your happiness, and you deserve to be happy.
Please be kind to yourself. These things take time. Little by little, you will find ways to feel more comfortable with yourself and in your life. It only has to happen one small step at a time, so if things are too scary right now, you don't have to feel bad if you are unable to be open to new experiences, or even if you think you never will be able. Even just writing out your thoughts and feelings here is a valid first step.