Dear Rose
My situation is of course not the same as yours... as everyone's experience is completely unique, but I do feel some empathy with what you are going through.

I think the cycle that you mention, of getting exasperated and wanting to 'drop him off in any facility that will take him' and then a few days later, finding the strength to somehow carry on for a bit longer, is totally normal and dare I say it, understandable.... ! I know I have been in that situation on more than one occasion...

We sometimes choose to take on a caring role, and sometimes it just 'happens' without our (conscious) knowledge or even our consent.... we just kind of morph into it. But, I remember you saying that you had previously been a professional paid carer, so perhaps your experience was different and you went into it with your eyes wide open. However, the lived experience of caring for a 'stranger' or 'employer' is (at least in my experience) quite different from caring for someone we are emotionally involved with.

For that reason, it's that I believe mood stabilising drugs won't be effective.... because it isn't your mood that is unstable, but your situation. When you get to that point of "equilibrium" you feel able to cope again, until the next destabilisation occurs.

I know, because I am / have been there.

It's a tough road to walk, and there is no 'right' answer; just whatever feels right for you. I know how much of a cop out that sounds, but it is true. At the end of the day, only you can decide what is right for you and your partner, and how much you can/are willing to cope with.

I wish you all the very best - from one who knows.
E. xx