Hi fijiisland

I may be completely wrong........but to me it sounds like..........in an ideal world you would like to be having a real meaningful relationship with someone (single) there for/caring about/loving only you, but you just don't see that as possible in terms of fitting in with your feelings (generally or about yourself) or experiences............and the reasons you mentioned..........well they aren't "positive" reasons for you???
So do you think that maybe you could give us/me just the chance to try to understand??
And I'll certainly try to understand
If you don't want to, that's fine and no judgement, it sounds like maybe things have been hard enough for you (??) and if I'm wrong in what I'm thinking I'm sorry..........but I'm just hoping that maybe we can offer you some support in wanting/having "more" for yourself if you need that..........just.............if you want to talk...........

Alison