Yes, I would like to be in a "real" relationship. Deep down I don't want to do what I am doing. I am in a bad place and have been for some time. Doing what I do puts me in another world, gives me something for a moment. I am also very shy and have a hard time relating to people. I also don't feel i deserve anything. I feel I am destined to be thrown to the side. I know it has something to do with how I was raised and how I have been treated by pretty much everyone in my entire life. I want more for myself and want to get to a better place. When I get there I am hoping to end all of this. maybe. But at the same time my brain and thinking seems so messed up now from doing this for so long. I wouldn't know how to be with just "one" person, at least I think so. not sure.