hey hey so just as a disclaimer thing im fully aware that ppl on here cant diagnose me. im just looking for some opinions

im an 18 year old girl and i think i might have OCD?? or at least i feel like something is up with me. I have taken many OCD screening quizzes and they advised me to "seek professional help immediately"

I DEFINITELY know that i have really bad intrusive thoughts. They range anywhere from violence to religious to sexual related and i have pretty much no control over them at all. Once i have the thought in my head I can't make it go away and it just keeps repeating itself over and over again. that definitely means i have the "obsession" part in the OCD im pretty sure

the thing is im not sure if I actually have compulsions?? whenever i read accounts of OCD the person usually has some repetitive actions that they take because of some very distinct fear they have. With me though, I don't feel like I really do that? I definitely exhibit "evening up" behaviors like for example if i step on a crack with one foot i have to step on a crack with the other foot in the same place or else i feel wrong. its more than just that though, if i notice something brush up against me on one side i have to touch the other side of my body to feel right again.

i have this thing i do in car rides where i tap the window every time we drive past a sign. i dont know why i do this but i do it all the time. when i was little i was convinced i was going to die young. i wanted to go to the doctor and have them test me for everything just to be safe. Im not a huge germaphobe i feel like but i cant touch anything in bathrooms. Even when i pull off a sheet of toilet paper to use, i throw out the first couple sheets because the last person touched them.

whenever i'm eating food, i don't eat anything that looks slightly different? I know its stupid but i always feel like someone is trying to poison me (a chip with a mark in it or a darker piece of cereal for example). when i get my intrusive thoughts, i get paranoid that the people around me can hear them. i thought (and still lowkey kind of do) feel like im a little psychic? i have thoughts pop into my head and a lot of the time someone nearby will say that exact wording out loud, no matter how obscure the thought was. once again, i know this is stupid but i cant shake the feeling

i get irrationally afraid of people in my family dying while doing kind of normal activities. there have been a few (rare) instances where i've been so scared i felt like my heart seized up and it got hard to breathe for a bit just thinking about it

Also on the topic of thoughts, when i have those intrusive thoughts i feel like i can physically feel them on my head. my head feels itchy and i have to brush at that part of my head so that no one else can "hear" the thought that was on my mind

when i was 12, i had a friend tell me that devil worshipers have "666" carved into the back of their hands. my family is super religious which i think has contributed to my religious intrusive thoughts but now whenever anyone mentions anything related to demons or the devil or anything, the backs of my hands feel kinda itchy and like theyre burning.

i just dont really know what to do?? im sure theres more than this that i cant even think of right now because to me it feels normal. a few years ago, i went to a therapist to ask about OCD but i have a really hard time opening up to people and im very self conscious abt all this. i just ended up immediately crying and talking about other things in my life (not OCD at all). she ended up telling me she thought i might have depression and anxiety (but she couldnt officially diagnose me bc shes a therapist). i never went back to see her again bc its was so so expensive.

basically!!! i think i have some ocd tendencies but some of the paranoia stuff kinda reminds me of schizophrenia?? or something im not sure, i just wanted to hear someone elses thoughts