Hi again DarknessIsMyFriend, I know you wrote this all a few days ago, but I wanted to respond again because I read the rest of the thread finally and I'm riveted! Lol.

My thoughts: You may not feel like you understand your emotions, but it sounds like you are sure of some things. Like that you know that you will need to deal eventually, but now is not the time for you. In my opinion, I say go with that. I also wanted to say, that when you feel ready, or feel like looking at your emotions, or learning, understanding, etc, there are safe ways to do it, I think. I say that, because it sounds like you might be unsure to get in touch with your emotions because they might overwhelm you. That's an understandable fear / hesitation. If I were you, and I chose to feel after not feeling all my life, I'd do it gradually. Yes, lol, vulnerability is a total buzzword nowadays. Shaking my fist at Brene Brown, lol. It works for some people. Not for all people though. Though I kind of think we are all vulnerable here at PC. well, honest about the **** we deal with. Anyway, I was reading a book on emotional first aid, and it said, about trauma, that there is no right or wrong way to deal with it. So, if it feels better to not talk about, you shouldn't have to. If it helps to talk about, then you do. really glad you're not a psychopath. They suck.