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Originally Posted by wildflowerchild25
I completely understand. It's so difficult to go on when you keep getting knocked down. My only salvation is to realize that all episodes end and eventually I will have some semblance of normalcy again. You will too. Increasing the frequency of ECT might help. ECT has saved me from black depression three times now. I understand wanting to throw in the towel. But as someone who has lost someone close to them (my father at gen and my husband two years ago) I can say it would be truly devastating to your family. If that's the only reason you have to go on right now, take it.
Things WILL get better.
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Thank you for your kind words. I know if I chose to leave people would be hurt. It is thia thoguht that has always kept me from actually trying to end my life before. I don't know if it is the depression or if I have just grown too tired, but that doesn't have the strength it used to, unfortunately. I am not saying that people would be better off without me- nor are their lives so dependent on mine that theirs would be completely ruined-but I am struggling to find more intrinsic reasons to persist. Because after almost 20 years of battling with mental illness , I am looking at things from the perspective that perhaps I do need to do what is best for me and take my leave. I don't know. I just don't know.
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Bipolar 1, GAD, OCD, ED
When the darkness comes, when it seeps into your very being, your core, your soul-don't let go; for your heart will carry you through when it seems that nothing will.
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