If you dont want to get better that would mean that depression is acceptable and you love the way things are, going to therapy and taking meds implies you dont accept that and want more for yourself , people dont often integrate a healthier lifestyle with speed ,if you didn't want more that would mean your the smoker who finally quits smoking when they get stage 4 lung cancer, its to late then , so i think deep inside yes you want better ,but because depression is what it is tackling it is going to take some time.