I devoted the day to him and his situation. He is recovering a lot. He's mentally clearer and cooperating very well with staff. I showered him with warmth and support. He seemed so content. Took him on a wheelchair ride to buy snacks at the commissary. Brought him in takeout food . . . and snacks from home. Then, this eve, he got annoyed at me for something stupid and snapped at me like I couldn't believe. Again, in front of a nursing assistant, just growled at me like he could barely stand to have me around. This being barked at and talked to like he can't stand me is too hard to take. It feels so rejecting. He used to do this many years ago when he was drinking. Today he had a very good appetite, so I can't say he's in the throes of being awfully sick. I've cut him so much slack for his dementia, but I can't find any reason to stay around someone who keeps being so hurtful as often as he's doing it. I had just recovered from the last hurt on Sunday eve. Today, Wed., I get it again. At the rate of taking a sucker punch to my heart every 3rd night, I will become a horribly depressed blob of nothing in no time.

Now I'm back telling myself I need to seriously think more about stepping out of this role I've been in. Maybe I'm too thin-skinned, but these upsets I go through with him are just coming too fast for me to cope with. I'm coming to feel he just dislikes me too much. It may be that he always has. I can't keep acting lovingly toward someone who makes me feel so disliked. He needs me and wants me in the role I've filled. But, if he is just tolerating me because of the service I provide him, then I do not want to be with this man.