Last night, I completely broke down.

Yesterday was fine. I went shopping with my mom and grandma, got a present for my dad. Went out again to shop a bit and then carol/bell ring for the Salvation Army with my youth group. After that, I hung out with some friends from youth group for a little while. Then I went home.

During the whole time I was out with my youth group, I felt basically nothing as I often do. I mean, I acted as if I was happy, but I don' t think that i really was. I'm really not sure though, because I'm not really sure what it feels like to be happy.

Anyway, last night, around 11:30, I don't know why, but I completely broke down. I started crying, questioning everything, and just being generally completely upset and unable to function. I cried myself to sleep.

Today, I'm OK I guess. This morning, I got up, went online some, got frustrated at everything, went to church; read the rest of A Raisin in the Sun while I was there because well, church causes some issues with me. When I came home, my friend called me, we talked for awhile, whatever.

There have been some points today where I just wanted to go to bed and cry, but I've stopped myself so far.

I hate this. I really do!