Hi Elio. Yes I understand what you're saying. I sometimes found it hard to have out of session contact and sometimes thought it would be better to have none at all (and therefore no expectations). We sometimes had falling out or ruptures over T not answering, or not answering quickly, or something like that. But I still think, stepping back, that the contact and learning to trust someone was part of the bigger picture of how therapy has been very very healing for me.
For a lot of my therapy, I would typically text or email once or twice in a week, if everything was going well. T would send a short reply. It was like a touching by base type thing.

If I was very upset or something difficult happened, we would text back and forth quite a lot at that time. Sometimes we arranged to speak. When I was going through a difficult time or we were dealing with something really difficult, we would arrange to speak on a certain day. I think the most intense was when we spoke every day for a while. It wasn't usually a long conversation - it would usually be about 5 minutes.

It has definitely been hard sometimes with having contact - like if T doesn't reply to a text, oh no, does he hate me now, is it because I did xyz. But T has pointed out to me that we work through it, and that this is how things are supposed to work in healthy relationships - that someone can get upset or make a mistake, but it doesn't mean they totally change their view of the other person or that the relationship is over for ever.

It's definitely been learning through doing instead of just being told the theory or told how things should be - and it has definitely carried over into the rest of my life, and made a lot of things a lot better.