I only need him when I don't have my car. There's nowhere of interest to walk, and I'm trying to lose weight, but that hampers my ability to walk far. I usually drive to stores or our local park to walk around. No busses nearby and I don't take public transportation anymore, anyway, because I have severe OCD and have had some bad experiences in busses. I don't have much money, because I'm on Social Security, but I get paid today, so that helps. I literally had about $10.00 in the bank until today.

If you want to know more about my situation, go to the OCD forum and search for "Living in Hell (Trash)" and its update. My OCD is severe, plus I have panic disorder and depression. I have a psychiatrist, and I found a psychologist who takes Medicare I'll see for the first time on Tuesday. Anyone I find who specializes in OCD doesn't take Medicare, and at least one didn't take any insurance at all.

I tried going to college a few years ago, but it didn't work out. I ended up having to pay about $2000 because I dropped out.

Really short, this is the plan: Get house cleaned up (I need my boyfriend for this, because my OCD is tangled up so bad, plus he's partially responsible, which I think is because he grew up in a messy/possible hoarding situation), get new sheets and bedding on bed, dust everything, be able to use my computer (that I've had for about two and a half years and have only been able to use about 5 times... I would've waited to buy it had I known this), and start a writing career. That's something I can do. Don't misunderstand; I don't think I'm going to write, get rich, and never have money problems again. I am quite familiar with the writing world and know it's hard to get into. But this is what I can do.

I was never taught to be on my own. I do hope to make enough money to do that one day. This isn't the situation I meant to wind up in.

When I have my car, I get out most days, take care of my cats and our bird, drive, shop, see movies (depending on how much money my boyfriend leaves me), come home at night, feed the cats again (I have indoor and outdoor cats, but I won't get into that now), then mess around on my phone until I get sleepy and go to bed. I also read, but haven't in a while, I think because there's too much stuff on my bed to be comfortable (I can only sleep on my left side, or have a higher risk of falling off, which would be a huge OCD issue). Getting it all off is part of the cleanup process. There are also fleas, and my legs especially are all bitten and scratched (sometimes past bleeding). I've talked to my psychiatrist and doctor, but they don't know what to do. The house is in my boyfriend's name, so I can't hire people to clean (and I don't have thousands of dollars to do it, anyway, which is what they told me it would cost).