astonishingly, God continues to allow me to exist
Although I cannot understand why he does this,
it has a tendency to fill me with dread.
what am I supposed to do with myself when the world doesnt make any sense? If I could understand a little more of what is going on then I might end up actually feeling ok. But why would a person like me ever even come into existence? Am I supposed to take a pill now? Somehow that doesn't make much sense either