Quote:
Originally Posted by childofchaos831
I'm 34. I've been on disability benefits since I was 21, which is why I can't afford to leave. My sister lives on the other side of the country, and honestly, she is much like our mother when you get down to it. There isn't any other family that I could turn to, because my mother has them all convinced I am the problem and that she is perfect.
She is narcissistic, and no one irl believes me other than my T and pdoc. She has me so utterly defeated that it's almost like Stockholm syndrome or battered wives syndrome. But I'm an adult, and she is never physical. When I try to explain it to people, they all just say "then leave" but it's not even just the rent part of it. I rely on her for all of my expenses. Medical bills, car insurance, gas money, my phone. And she uses that as leverage to keep me compliant.
I've asked friends for help, a couch to sleep on, anything, but there's nothing. No one will help. They don't understand what it's like living with a woman who only cares about me in the sense of what use I am to her.
She was emotionally distant and neglectful when I was growing up. I don't remember her ever saying I love you and I only remember one hug.
I just can't keep doing going like this... She keeps breaking me down more and more and won't listen when I try to talk to her... I don't know when, not tonight, but at some point, she is going to win. I have already reached my limit... I've gotten to the cliff's edge and now I'm walking on a tight rope with no harness and no net... all it is gonna take is one little breeze... I'm just done.
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I understand completely. It actually sounds like you took this out of the book of my life. I'm in my 30's and my mother still physically abuses me when she comes to visit. She mentally abuses me every day through text. I've never been hugged by her, nor most of my family because of her. The only people that cared about me were my grandparents and they are both gone. I am also on disability but thankfully I saved my money from my jobs when I was younger so I have a good amount in savings and I can live far from her.
Your T or psychiatrist should be able to get you on that government housing list pretty fast. What about staying at a shelter? I know it doesn't sound ideal but it would keep a roof over your head, food in your stomach, and get you away from your mother. I stayed at a DV shelter for about 5 months. It was a very nice house and didn't cost me a dime. The staff at the shelter helped the residents find jobs, get government assistance, etc. They were also Ts and provided therapy pretty much whenever you needed it, but scheduled 3 proper appointments every week. Just something to think about. There are options out there and you are not a piece of *****!
