I'm an interpreter and thus rely very heavily on my memory and an ample store of vocabulary in both languages I interpret. But my interpreting, over the last 2 years now, has suffered a great deal and it's hurting my self-esteem (and perhaps my patients, I'm a Spanish medical interpreter) to no end.

I'm afraid my meds are to blame. The only med I starting taking, when this started to happen, was Abilify, which has also been the medication that has finally and successfully brought about stability. I don't know if it can affect memory...

Or maybe it's anxiety, which has also increased over the last couple of years, that has contributed (and least in addition to meds) to my memory problems; I'm not sure.

But I used to be an exceptional interpreter, and now I'm mediocre. I have the vocabulary in there somewhere, but I forget it when I interpret and I take more notes than ever; I used to be able to interpret without taking any notes, or very few.

It's so demoralizing and I wonder if this is just going to be the way it is, that I've become a mediocre interpreter. I can't switch out the Abilify because it is THE medication that has kept me stable. It gives me the shakes and I still take it (propranolol has helped a lot with that). I just won't give it up. Or maybe it's the accumulation in my system of other medications I take.

But I feel terrible about myself. My work is wrapped up in my identity, it's always been a vocation as well as a job and I've always loved it. Until about 2 years ago. Now it's terribly difficult, and it pains me so much to occasionally see that look in patients' eyes that they don't understand what I'm saying; either because I misunderstood the original message, or because I forgot too much of what was said.

When I was hypomanic, I interpreted so fast and so well, it was extraordinary. I know there are downsides to that. But I miss it. But I'll take just interpreting 'well' at this point.

I'm so so demoralized...