My T gave me a stuffed animal! She said she wanted to get me one that would make me smile when looking at it because she wants me to use it to cheer myself up, and we are always laughing or smiling in our sessions. It's so cute. It's a purple monster with a silly smiley face. I love it!

We talked about how I'm doing well and seem to finally be out of a depressive episode (been 15 years!). We talked about the things I have changed and how it might have effected my moods. We also talked about my fears around doing better. I told her I have two fears: 1. She'll pull away 2. Afraid of when the depression comes back. She told me to try to just live in the moment and enjoy that I'm content. She said she's not going to leave me even if I'm doing better.

I asked her if she would be there for me if/when I get pregnant. I asked her if she would be there not only as a T, but as a woman and a mother. She said she would. It's scary because in about a month, I'll start Clomid. So the possibility of getting pregnant soon is real. I told her I'd want supoort and advice when it comes to pregnancy and being a mom. But I told her my biggest fear is if I have a miscarriage. She said she would definitely be there for me, but she would also hook me up with referrals to get me more support.

My T is on vacation these next 3 weeks. Luckily, our sessions are 4 weeks apart, so I won't miss/extend any sessions. It's still a little scary because she'll be all the way in Europe. I told her she better have fun! I do still get to email her once a week. She just told me to be patient with her replies as they might be delayed.

But overall, things are going well for me. I really hope it lasts for a long time!