One way to look at this might be that the feelings of helplessness, fear, loneliness, & hatred you are experiencing are messages coming from non-conscious areas of your brain telling you that you have unresolved feelings you need to deal with. Jon Kabat-Zinn goes into some detail discussing what he refers to as "feedback loops", in his book Full Catastrophe Living.

Of course, the mainstream way that people deal with these sorts of struggles is via therapy of one sort or another... individual, CBT, DBT, etc. I'm not a fan of therapy personally. But I've read posts, here on PC, written by members who said their therapists saved their lives. So I presume there are great therapists out there. It's just a matter of finding the right one for you. If you have designs on working in the medical field at some point, I would think it would be particularly important to heed the messages those non-conscious areas of your brain are sending to your conscious mind. My best wishes to you...