Quote:
Originally Posted by Rose76
I say to myself often: "Am I going to just keep sacrificing myself and my life on an altar to this guy?" Then I think, "Yeah, like you've got something better to do." (If I stop caring for him, I might just go to bed for the rest of my life. This little "job" I've given myself gets me up and "doing" and someone benefits from it.)
It's the not feeling loved that is hard. It's the contempt and disdain in his voice that is hard to hear. .
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I take it that you've had another time with him where he wasn't the most pleasant? It shows in your expressed feelings about yourself. Yet, the guilt over the nursing home quality or lack there of plays on your heart just as much as his times of being incorrigible?
Is a nursing home the next step after a rehab? Once he goes to a rehab is there still time to decide on a next step?
In an ideal world, home hospice time is a time for pleasant expressions towards one another.
I personally feel that your value in this world is greater than you realize and though there's great devotion to him, to your lengthy history, he pulls on some toxic chain. He does devalue you. And I hope that you can find it in you to detach from how awful it makes you feel about your place in this world.