I pretty-much feel this way too. Plus, at least in my case, I'm too old to do anything about it even if I wanted to. It all just is what it is... or was. And this is also a large part of the reason I simply keep to myself. I consider it to be my gift to the world... or at least the tiny portion of it I inhabit.

I'd like to imagine that, as the saying goes, "today is the first day of the rest of your life" & that one can always make a fresh start. Perhaps this is true... perhaps not. In my case it really doesn't matter. I'm too old for it to make any difference. However I hope you are able to find a pathway toward a fresh start. Even if one cannot change the past, one can change the future. At least I'd like to imagine that is true. So I send hugs your way with the hope that you might find such a path. If you do... throw down some breadcrumbs for others to follow...