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Originally Posted by snowangel17
I resonate so much with what you say here. My T has also offered the option of some minimal out of session contact via a text if 'needed'. He hasn't pushed it any only mentioned it on two occasions but has said that if I need it (especially over a long break) that I can use it. He has kind of implied it would only be a text or two and not a big conversation or anything. I want to send a text but struggle with the whole idea of this too as like you, I too and am pretty 'together' and responsible in my regular life on the face of it anyway and always worry about how I make the other person feel. I worry that I might text him at the wrong time when he is busy, taking a break or in the middle of something else big and then be bothered by it....I also worry about it being 'needy' I mean what constitutes 'needing' to txt him. I mean I understand why many people on here feel the 'need' to contact their T I really do and it makes total sense. For me though personally I find the whole idea of using it for myself hard to get my head around. I have never really 'needed' anyone in my life (although I do have a long term partner that I do rely heavily on). I don't think I ever really 'need' my T per say so find the idea of making him when I 'need' to very difficult to figure out. Does that make any sense at all?
One thing I do think I understand is that I do think it may be useful to help me to build up, even more, trust in him. I'd like to think that we have quite a good therapy relationship (despite one recent upset) although I still feel the power imbalance which does sometimes make me hold back and perhaps this would help alleviate that??
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I think this all makes total sense. One thing to consider is that an experienced, thoughtful, well-trained therapist should have given a lot of thought to what works for them and what they can sustainably do for their clients before they offer it. So for example, my T does not do texting with clients (or at least not with me) and uses email only for things like brief questions and scheduling. If I want to contact her for support, the way it works is that I leave a message on her voicemail and she calls me back (I can also leave a message about something and say she doesn't have to call back). My former T welcomed email updates (even long ones) and would always respond with a brief reply, but we only talked on the phone in more crisis-like situations. I don't think your T would offer an exchange of a few texts if he didn't mean it, and it's clear from the way you described it that he's already telling you what he's comfortable with (a few texts to check in but not a long conversation). That seems like a good sign.
It might be good for you to have the chance to build up trust that he can take care of himself regarding how he manages outside contact. That kind of thing has made me a bit more comfortable asking for things from other people in my life because now I assume people who have good boundaries can say yes or no and that they might actually
want to help me with something. I am less likely to automatically assume I'm always being a burden.