Thanks for all the input folks. I feel like depression could result from my 'clarity' if it hasn't already. I've been sleeping like I haven't for a long, long time for one thing. Which doesn't feel normal for me. And the whole lack of interest thing yada yada.

My manic 'clarity' was definitely flawed. I saw a lot of connections that led to trouble and extreme change in focus.. i.e. hyper-focus on the wrong things. The idea that THIS is the ticket to success, etc. Not.

Right now.. in general... I'm focused on the right things, way more responsible, way less impulsive, losing weight due to lack of binge eating, less racing thoughts. lots of good things. On the negative... very dispassionate about my work and life in general, just want to watch movies. Still lingering 'death wish fantasies' due to a sense of hopelessness (I don't see my career improving.. which will lead to marital problems). So.. I'm assuming that I'm simply experiencing situational depression due to, well... my situation. Although... depression has typically hit me this time of year in the past (I'm just about at the anniversary of hospitalization due to depression). And there is so much good in my life.. awesome wife, awesome kids, living in a beautiful place, doing awesome things with family.. island hopping on new boat, backpacking... stuff like that. I don't know.. I guess I'm 'normal-depressed'. In the past I was mixed with anxiety/depression and mania at the worst times. I wish I could get back to the early stages of the mania that led to my current career... manic drive for success, hyper-focus, rocket to top, non-stop selling myself... actual income. If I could maintain that without going too high... It might work. But I've been a sinking ship for the last two years.

Sorry for rambling.