Hi xRavenx

Sorry to say, but I totally agree that you have got insight.........in fact I'd say you seem to have some great insight including how you're relating this to your past........but please don't hate it
Just because you have insight doesn't mean that you "should" be able to just turn things around "just" like that, doesn't mean that you "should" know better if you do something to "dispute" that insight, doesn't mean that you should be able to just put your past or what you feel right now behind you so easily..........it can be real tough when you're in a situation where you know or realise after you "should" have done x, but you've done y again, can't it?!!!
What insight can do is help you on the first steps to changing things.........and sometimes it can take time to be able to start changing things............and sometimes that may be in what people might think are minuscule steps..........but really I'd say those minuscule steps can be/are massive...........and each step you take can really count..........just like you thought you took a small step but it didn't help that much.........I'd say that considering the circumstances the fact that you even took a step was really good........and a massive achievement!!! So be proud of yourself!!!

And just a thought while you're battling with the conflicting feelings of wanting to make people happy against you "over-giving".
Sometimes there are better/more important things for people than immediate "happiness" which you could give instead while still not being taken advantage of.............
As in, if you did say "No" to someone wanting something from you.........maybe you'd be giving them a little lesson in the value of money, in the importance of the thing if they had to wait to afford it, in the fact that they should respect people (like you) and not "expect"........., in using their initiative in finding something they could afford or a way to get something or do something, in learning more about the value of independence and not just asking..........lots of other important lessons you could be teaching them as well in some (more) "No"'s...........so remember you'd still be doing something for them, maybe something important for them, you'd be doing them a favour...........whether they feel good about it or not, you feel good about yourself for having done that for them...........your validation is right there!!!
AND you haven't been taken advantage of!!!!
You're exactly right, you should be respected as a person

And reading between the lines, maybe this is difficult for you.........but, as well, perhaps you aren't asking them for as much as you'd have a right to ask them for??..........maybe you need to be asking them for (more) favours too..........make sure this is a two-way thing, hey??
And if they deserve your attention they should be happy/pleased to be doing you some favours............
And if that's hard.........see it as you're helping them become better people in "giving" to others, hey??!!!

And this has got to come in somewhere.........but..........self-worth.........I'm getting the feeling that sometimes you're losing just a little sight of that??...........which would be real understandable considering your past
But you do have worth, absolutely!!!!
And you do have a right to be able to have certain expectations of people and for them not to cross certain boundaries........if you could perhaps have a think about if there's anything you may need to add to those??
AND maybe just a little more credit to yourself for your qualities, do you think??

Alison

And P.S. Coming back to........a huge kudos on that step you managed to take!!!!