Again thank you to everyone for their support. I saw my psychiatrist yesterday and left a bit bewildered. I began explaining how tough things have been and he proceeded to say that he doesn't really know what that means anymore because I am always symptomatic. He said I have a chronic illness that makes it difficult to really grasp how to address things. He also said I spend too much time analyzing things and this is not helpful. He said for those whose illnesses are chronic, such attention is not very helpful. He said in acute cases, where people experience an episode, then a period of remission then another episode some time later- then it is beneficial to analyze so closely what is going on. He also said medication changes are not typically helpful for such chronic conditions either, (and I've been through so many over the years that I react terribly to or that are simply ineffective). So we must start looking more generally at why my condition is so persistent. He said here isn't a clear reason- I'm not in a continuous abusive relationship or situation. I'm not completely financially destitute or homeless or anything. He said 10-15% of cases arechronic like mine.
I don't know why I posted this, really. I guess it left me a little more hopeless feeling. I don't know. Anyone in a similar boat?