I totally get it. I've done the exact same thing with several men since my early teens. Teachers, friends, colleagues, and most recently a therapist. I'm still struggling with last one as I have to stop seeing him, and it's tearing me to pieces. It happens when men are comforting and caring toward me, just like your doctor. I become obsessed, I think about them constantly, and I feel so creepy. I'm starting therapy with a new therapist next week (a WOMAN this time), and I plan to aggressively address this problem. I'm 37 with a young child, and I need to focus on my own family and life, not the life of some man I can't have. If you can get therapy, try to address this now. I hoped I would grow out of it but never did. I'm sorry you're going through this, I know it's so hard. I hope it gets better for you soon. You're not alone.