Have you seen a therapist or psychologist for this? Being able to speak with someone who won't judge you can really help you. I go through long rough patches where I feel really hopeless and like there's nothing here for me, but that's the depression clouding my thoughts. Depression is never right and you should always try to remind yourself that there is light at the end of the tunnel. Everything gets better no matter what it is. I hope you feel better soon and if you need anything, I'm just a message away.