Current T is off all of next week -- so, won't be seeing her for a couple of weeks.

I didn't feel like talking about anything really. She's off to a state in the Northeast (which she'd disclosed after some hemming and hawing) and so, I mostly started by spouting silly random facts about the state -- she found it funny but also seemed startled and I kinda wanted to tell her that I have a habit of looking up and remembering random trivia and this is not a sign of my woebegone-ness (other things would be but not this trait).

I asked her a question about her therapy -- found out that she'd in fact been to two different therapists and once in her 30s (she's mid-40s now) for 3 times a week sessions for a while. My response was a restrained "Holy crap". It's the first time she's told me about the two therapists thing -- earlier she just said she'd seen one in college and that's it.

Somewhere along the way, she'd asked me if I would see the other T I'd seen now that she was going to be away -- I was like uhh...no. And, she said she didn't think so either. We then got to talking about how she sees therapy as all about the relationship -- so, I told her that it was interesting how her style differed from the other T's (much more cognitive but also kind and empathetic). She later mentioned that the T she'd seen intensively was like that in his style of doing therapy.

We talked some about my anger, how she takes it, my mistrust blah blah -- it was a trifle desultory since I didn't really want to open up that can of worms. She of course did throw it in that my suspicion was entirely transference from my mother (there's never a time when I don't suspect my mother -- with good reason -- of trying to manipulate me at the slightest hint of attachment on my part).

At some point, she asked me how I was doing with her vacation -- I didn't want to answer it and so, I asked her how she'd dealt with her 3x a week T's vacations. She said she remembered scheduling her own vacation around the time and being on the beach and thinking about therapy. I was again mostly like "Oh wow, okay". At this point, I remembered that early on she'd hand out these pieces of paper with her vacation dates and when I'd asked her about it, she said it's so that people could plan their own travel etc around it. And I was like "Really?". It's strange to me for anyone to plan their vacations that way -- I mean it's not because I'm dissing the attachment piece (I do feel a trifle sucker-punched and lost) but because it wouldn't have occurred to me to do that around anyone's vacations (including when my partners went away someplace). I guess maybe mine is the weird response and this is what most people do -- dunno.

She asked me what I'd do these couple of weekends and I told her I'm thinking of getting my motorcycle license by taking the basic rider course -- she said that sounded fun but dangerous to drive a bike. I said yeah, that's kinda the point and left it at that.

At the end, she asked if I wanted to schedule any phone sessions while she's away (I said No), whether I wanted to contact her otherwise (I said No again) and whether I wanted her to contact me (I said No to that too) -- I sometimes wonder how well she really knows me if she thinks I'd ever ask her to do stuff like that when she's on vacation.