I also sometimes have paranoia about psychiatric medications and wonder about whether it is wise to put so many children on them. But what's done is done and you are obsessing about it to the point of becoming suicidal. It is hard to know how much of your anxiety, depression, and lack of passion (motivation? creativity?) is the result of your medication or the result of your DNA makeup combined with the interactions you had growing up. Though I did not start my meds until 48--I have decided that my medications are helping me and that my therapist was right about the need to continue taking them. Can you look for a more helpful therapist? They cannot help you unless there is mutual respect. You have a right to take what you want but may have to taper slowly if you want to discontinue a medication. Also, whenever you taper--be very careful--sometimes suicidal feelings are the result of cutting back. While you write these things in this post, have your meds been constant or have you been adjusting doses? Sometimes if you change your medications it is good to keep track of how you feel. Your posts at PC can keep a record of this. IMO, even when we are on medications, we can improve our life in some way. I am sorry that you are so down about this. Hugs.