The problem is that dementia only gets worse as time goes & so do the MEAN outbursts because they continually lose the ability to control that especially when they have the tendency in the first place.

Your tolerance is like a glass of water that is now so close to being full you don't know when that one more drop will cause it to overflow & then you are the one that ends up broken with all your good intentions. Sometimes it's hard to see that breaking point because it is masked by the good times. As the bad times outweigh the good, that breaking poing gets closer & closer & a fine line begins to be walked.

Please take care of yourself.

If its like with my mom, I had to just tell her that being at home was no longer an option after the horrible trauma that happened there. She really had no comprehension of how bad it got even when the police showed up...but when it was clear that going home was no longer an option she resolved to go to the good quality nursing home I found for her close to my home where she was safe.

Only you will know your own overload point where you can no longer take his behavior.....also you said that even with outside help he wouldn't let them help him & required you to do the WORK yourself. What good is outside help if he won't use it & just saves it all for you to do anyway? Insisting on that break is important for you.

My friend was caring for her MIL the last several decaids of her life (she lived till 99). My friend is wonderful at care giving & is a medical PA on top of it.....but there came a time that caring for her MIL was taking a toll on the relationship & that was when she finally ended up putting her in a nursing home. There are quality ones around & from my own personal experience visiting a friend weekly now who is in a nursing home, the odors at times are not good but most of the time that is not the way it is. There is a problem when they smell bad ALL THE TIME....definitely not one I could pick if it's like that on several visits.

Don't disreguard your own burnout in this situation. You can eat dinner & watch movies together just in a different location.

Are you fearing his reaction & pushing you out of his life (rejection) completely & all that may be involved with that if you don't continue caring for him? You can always say that the MD says that he requires more constant care than you are now able to provide, putting it on the MD & not yourself for the decision. Your own well being is most important & spending just quality time with him would be more meaningful to both of you leaving you with much nicer memories of your last period of time with him.

I ended up resenting my mom after she died for what she caused me to go through with her selfish demand to stay in her home. It took me years after her death to resolve that anger toward her.