I thought through helping others I could help myself. Turns out that by the time I was exonerated I may as well have been in the electric chair.
Sometimes if you give an inch people will take a mile.
I dreamt last night that I was my teenage self again. I was ridiculed by an old friend and a teacher. Then I realise my hands are in my pockets and I feel the cold metal of a gun and I am exhilarated.
I point it at the old friend and say "this town is not big enough for the both of us" then I feel my other pocket is heavy and I take out a metal knuckle duster and it occurs to me. I say "would you care to apologise for saying that I must have hit every branch on the ugly tree when the stork dropped me" and I swing back and strike her face splitting her nose and I hit her, pulverise her face.
Then my teacher, opens the curtain and says "what a mess, look at you, go home"
I say "I am far too immature to understand that request. I look at my old friend and I say, I did this too you because all I do is try and help everyone and all I get in return is grief, whatever I do is never enough. I did my damndest to find a job, I teach because why? I am immature right? Naïve to think that if I go out my way and do someone a favour maybe they will show some gratitude. I avoid drugs because I am immature, I go to college to resit my highe'rs as I should have done better cause I am immature, I told you all Axl Rose's friends wanted from you were one thing because I was immature and jealous right?? I told you will do well with a new coach and getting away for a while would be great, correct me if I am wrong I am immature! I realise that I wanted to have fun with my friends while I was young but this was because I was immature. Well stuff you, watch me blow my brains out and I promise I will haunt you"
I turn back to the teacher who holds onto his belly and throws his head back and laughs and I say "I am about to spray your wall with my juices because according to you I am not in the same bed two nights running and spread them about town, it is only fair that you get some too!"
Then I put the gun in my mouth pointing upwards and everything glows white.
I woke up with a puddle of sweat on my bed