i cant seem to do anything right with this therapist any more . i think i am and then she gets angry then says she isnt. i feel trapped like i cant say the right thing to make it better . i forgot me payment in the car and didnt realize it until i was already in the waiting room. last month i forgot my check and had to pay her in cash .she didnt seem comfortable with this so i wanted to be sure i had her check .i decided i would go back to my car and get it .this took about 10 minutes.i called her and told her what i was doing .i was so frustrated and angry with myself .i had the check in my hand and when i saw her i said i was sorry and went in the office .i tried to hand her the check saying here take this before i forget again . i guess this was the complete wrong thing to do . we ended up wasting the whole session with her telling how wrong i was . she was so angry but when i asked her why she was yelling at me she said she wasnt . i tried to apologize but she would have nothing to do with that saying that being sorry isnt what it was about . she kept saying i was throwing the payment in her face,like it was all about the money for her . i told her i was sorry and that was not what i intended and that i didnt think that of her .but through the session she kept saying i was throwing the payment in her face . i didnt mean to but she wouldnt believe me . i know she accepts less from me then she charges i never thought she was all about the money. i never wanted it to be this was why i wanted to just pay her and move on .she said there is a time and place for payment and that is at the end of the session .she was so stern about all of this and so stern throughout the whole session .i felt scolded and scared and belittled . it felt just like it was my mother .if i dared open my mouth it was going to be wrong and fuel the fire .she said that i could learn from this . that it is not about the money and if i forgot the payment that she was not going to just throw me out . i didnt think she was i just felt horrible about forgetting it .if she had just taken it i would have stopped worrying and we could have had a session instead of wasting the whole time dealing with this . she was saying my panic was about thinking she would turn me away . that it is coming from my childhood and how the mother treated me . true i want to do things right .why is that bed . she was so angry . all i wanted to do was apologize but she wouldnt let me . so i said that i felt she deserved her pay and that i know she works hard for it and i like to make sure she gets it . she even turned that back on me .like i said i could say nothing right. she said that sounds again like she thinks im a horrible person to work with and that she realy has to work hard and doesnt care about me .she then said sternly. when are you going to let that attitude about yourself go . umm this is why im in therapy, right ? she was just so stern and angry through the whole session . all i did was sob .i was waiting for her to put me down for that also but she didnt .she told me i was human and i didnt have to be perfect .it was not a big deal if i forgot .she trusted me and if she had to wait a week for payment it was not a big deal .but once again she said it was about me not trusting her to not turn me away if i wasnt good . i dont understand why it is such a big deal to her that i dont want her to think im stupid ,useless, and miserable to work for . i hate myself so much