My condolences on your loss, bbygrl.  Thanks for sharing this. Here are links to a couple of articles on losing a parent as an adult. Perhaps they may be of some help as you struggle to move past your grief:
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog...-you-are-adult
Coping with Losing a Parent as an Adult
My best wishes to you... 
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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