So, I am still IP (been 16 days now) and am really struggling. The fact that I am not getting better is getting me down. I want out as I can't take this anymore but I am still fighting for stability. Pdoc has changed some of my meds. On Lithium, Lamicatal, Saphris and Clonazepam. Plus PRN Seroquel, Haloperidol and Ativan. I am worried about the mix of AP's so I am going to talk to my pdoc. Each one has different benefits for me so i am not sure which one to cut ... and yes, I have gained 3 kg in the last three weeks.

I am apparently in a mixed state where i mostly feel very depressed and agitated but sometimes have brief hypomanic euphoric periods. If I don't improve in the next few days my pdoc wants to try rTMS (trans-magnetic stimulation) which will keep me IP for another month ( my insurance won't pay for out-patient treatment oddly).

Has anyone had rTMS? Does it work? I am out of options and hope. I started university semester last week and couldn't go to classes. how I feel now I doubt I will make it this week which means I will have to defer the semester. The thought of this crushes me. I am lost, drowning in the dark and at the end of my rope.

Sorry to be so negative. It is difficult to be positive or hopeful right now.