It doesn't matter what you say Nammu because I lived abroad on my own for three years and it has got worse. I see that it just doesn't look like I am up to it, not to mention I end up alone. I feel like I have no one. You clearly can't imagine the situation. I was trying a long time, had so many issues. I see how peers live and it all seems more normal. Don't know if I can trust myself after all that happened. I find it hard to stick at a job for more than two weeks even if I need money. Having such an awful relationship with parents does not help. It would help if he bothered to come and take some time for me FOR A FACT. I don't see how pushing someone outside with no attention ever given, many issues and not even a call will help them succeed. I tried and ended up badly. Being responsible for everything and having no support is for me a recipe for failure.
I was told I have mental health issues despite not having a delusion in my life or even being depressed. That's how low it got. Explain that? It seems I am not doing something right even if I attempt to live on my own.. It does not make any sense. It just feels like I was abandoned with no support and even purposefully set up to fail. You are incredibly ignorant. Whenever I try doing something on my own I get a suggestion I have mental health issues. F*** that.
I am thinking of going to grandma's but she loves her son far more than me. He does NOTHING for me and still accuses me of having problems directly related to that. He wouldn't think of giving me anything to help me succeed and I think he would watch it with glee that I am down. It's his chance to prove he is "better" than me. It is incredible. She always sides with him. His solution to any issues is to send me back to female parent who is a poison and neglectful.
I have to go somewhere, I can't do it on my own. I don't know where.