Today and yesterday have been so so hard. Don't know what to write.. I'm so tired of being alive. Nothing gets better. I can have a good day but nothing really gets better in the long run. I keep looking online for the best suicide method. I wish I had some strong pills that I know would do it, like Nembutal. That's all my mind is thinking now.

I don't want to keep back this pathetic creature. Better to stop then, not drag it all out just getting older. I hate this thing I've become. Sorry for being so pessimistic, I just need to write these things down.