I have maintained vigils with family and friends and I can't argue about it being upsetting and exhausting, but remember if death was scheduled for convience nothing would ever die,because we all have a hard time letting go , there would always be one more someone with something to say or do one last time( i learned this when my mom passed away) she was so loved by so many who kept saying I wish....? one last time, she died in her sleep ,but considering how little sleep she was getting because of pain and trouble breathing that was very mercifull, and I had a hard time living on but never wished for one more anything because that would have been very selfish of me, do you want to talk about some of the other things that are weighing on you ? Maybe we could help carry things or help you work them so they become less dominoes lining up to fall ? Bad things happen to good people but it's how you handle those bad things that makes them linger around .