Hello everyone,

I'm feeling kind of lost. I really do want to improve, but finding help is difficult at best for me. I feel I need to add some (hopefully brief) history for you to understand my problem.

I'm a 38 year old man with PTSD and major depressive disorder, along with medical problems...basically, I'm a mess.

I was severly injured a few years back, while in the military. I was exposed to a blister agent, which should have killed me, but did not. My physical recovery from the burns only took about a month and a half to heal, but I started having real problems shortly after.

I went to our base mental health office seeking help, and was seen by a counselor, who continued to see me until I was medically retired a little over a year later. He had referred me to the base psychologist, and both tried to help me, but ultimately weren't able to. I liked the counselor, and psychiatrist, though both were pretty inexperienced. We tried a lot of different medications for depression, anxiety and sleep problems. I have never responded to any of the depression medications, and responded to sleep meds for about 2 weeks. I did respond well to Clonazepam(sp)for anxiety problems.

Once I was medically retired, I went to the local Veterans Affairs(VA) hospital, and found they wouldn't recognize any of my conditions until I went through their system, which took about a year. They did allow me treatment for the PTSD and depression, since that was on my orders, pending their examinations.

I started with a psychiatrist, who kept me on the same meds that hadn't been working for the prior 6 months, and made me stop the one medication that did work. I was also assigned a psychologist, who put me in unstructured group therapy every 2 weeks which was designed for Viet Nam Vets. He also said he would be able to see me 1 on 1 about every 3 months or so, which was a bit of a shock considering the seeing the base counselor every week, and psychiatrist ever 3 weeks. After about 3 months, the psychologist moved me to another Viet Nam group which was more instructional, and structured, which was better than the other group, but it didn't quite fit. This group lasted about 3 months, and then nothing, until I was reassigned to a new psychologist. By the second or third monthly visit, my examinations were complete, after which time, he would start our sessions with a statement that let me know he did not agree with my diagnosis...he would say "Looks like you've been diagnosed with PTSD, so I guess you have PTSD." I didn't think this was a great way to start out, and it angered me greatly, but I never really said anything for fear my anger would get worse.

I stopped with the medications, and the psychotherapy about 7 months ago, as the meds weren't helping, and the therapy was just unproductive at best, and made me feel worse.

I am easily frustrated and angered, though I control the frustration and anger fairly well, it still eats at me inside. I lose all focus and concentration.

I've tried looking into the VA for more ways to get help, and with Social Security, but everything is so involved, paperwork intensive, and lengthly that it would seem it's specifically designed to keep people from being able to use any of it.

I really don't know where to start, or what to do. I almost feel like I need figure out how to afford a lawyer just so I can get decent medical care. Does anyone have any ideas, or know of programs designed to help with somebody in my situation?

Thank you for taking the time to read my post, and in advance for any advice you may have.

Danny