Life seems to have decided to torture me. The mother, cause of nearly everything, has become downright cruel. She went from just yelling and screaming, to silent treatment, to telling me to get out end of last week. She said out Friday. I informed her, basically, "good luck with that" because laws (here at least) mean that even without a lease or paying rent, because I have established residency in this hellhole of a house, she would have to formally evict me, which is a 30 day process.

I've applied for govt housing and am on the waiting list, but that can take 6 mos to 2 years, if I'm lucky. There's no other option of a place for me to go. I cannot work. I'm on SSDI, from the mental illness, that she pretty much caused.

I've lost hope. I can't do this anymore.

After all of that, Thursday and Friday from hell, she hasn't said a word about it. Nothing. Silence. Like it never happened. This is actually typical of her. Like any other abuser, there's the build-up, the blow up, the aftermath, then the honeymoon, and it starts all over again.

The part that is so hard is nothing is physical. It's all mental and emotional. She knows, she has to, what she is doing to me, and she doesn't give a ****.

I keep having this need to destroy myself. Bvecause none of what she is doing is physical, none of it is visible. So I make it visible. I can't keep fighting. She is going to win, I don't know when, but she will eventually. I'm just so tired. She's not gonna change, and I can't stand it anymore.