First things first. Move out of your current living situation. Go to your grandma's place. It won't be perfect, but you won't be alone like you are now. When you get there, go to the library. Find some books on psychology, development, biographies of people you admire, whatever you need. Make it a research project. Learning from other people's experience is a start. Then join your local church. Go to services and see if there are any social events you are interested in. If you can't get access to a doctor for medication, find a place that sells herbal things like St John's wort. That will help to begin with. Then see if you can find a bicycle. Make yourself go out for a ride every other day. See if you can write a timetable for yourself like at school. Mondays library, Tuesdays bike ride (and so on). Each week will be better than the last week. Think of it like you are climbing a very long flight of stairs. Your family did not give you a map, but there are other ways to climb up. And as you climb, you will slowly feel better and do better, and your relationships with your friends and family will improve. You are trying to do too much at once, which is why you feel overwhelmed and unable to cope. So one step at a time. Leave your apartment. Next step, go to grandma. Next step, get a library card. Next step, find the local church. Keep going, and keep posting! You may feel people on here don't understand you, but I think we come from similar cultures (Eastern Europe). It will get better!