I don`t know. have tried many times.
I know i didn`t except my feelings enough and without patience jumped straight to GETTING RID of them.

but regardless..even when i am %#@&#! crying...even now...free to feel
This time for real

I don`t want to stay with the fear
Hey what do you think it`s about?

STUDIES!!!!!
yes again! damn it.
but i feel like that what can i do?
I have home work for tomorrow. and for the whole week.
but my room is so messy and i hate it and i started to clean everything and i know it`s Gonna take a lot of time

i know that after i am done it will be a good feeling for me becasue I HATE MESS. but i know it will be somewhat late and i don`t know how the illustration will go. but if i don`t clean my rood RIGHT NOW it will stay messy for the rest of the week as long asfar as i know myself.

HO GOD
it is SO STUPID because my feelings and thought will not change reality. it is either a matter of doing or not doing THAT`S ALL!

Why the %#@&#! is it such a horrible drama for me?

I have been experiencing all this bad self asteem becasue of luck of success in class when the works are hanigng next to each other adn mine used to be WORSE

then there was always that problem with HOW TO DO IT BOTH FAS AND GOOD quality???

But at least not to live with the fear of loosing control again?

i an just so sick of those "side effects" of studies that i am so used to create.
i am aware of everything. it`s my 3rd %#@&#! year.
but what the heck does it help

all i wanna do is LIFE
feel NORMAL?
why is it like that?