I agree - a priest or pastor is not who you need to see about this. I suffered sexual abuse as a child and it has taken my therapist 10 months to dig it out of me so we can deal with it. Please, please, get a real clinical psychologist or psychiatrist to assist you with this problem. It is too big for a nonprofessional to handle. And I am sorry for the name you chose for yourself - as you get better perhaps DocJohn can let you choose a new name - you are NOT STUPID. You are a victim.