hi everyone... dont want to be a downer this time of year...

just been having an experience with anger these past few days...

not always angry, away from work, i'm fine...

really lost it last night... i was cleaning the car wash and got mad because my shoes were uncomfortable, there was ice everwhere, the hose froze up and wouldnt nunravel easily, had to fight with it and it was making me tired cause it was the end of my 24 in 48 shift and i think i was just exhausted...

but i lost my temper and threw the hose... it landed in just the correct way.. with the squeeze handle pushed against the concrete and the water spraying straight on me.. soaked, cold, mad...

then the drain plugged and i had to put my arm in the freezing water up to my elbow, soaked my sleeve.. it took a while to drain and i kept wanting to kick every object in sight, stress was top limit, anger, frustrations all came full forward...

as it was happening, i asked myself... where is all this coming from?

i think i need a different job... but as i type this, i think about the things in this job that work for me... i dont really mind the work... kinda enjoy it, and really, i dont want to quit... i'm respected and accepted at this place and the schedule is great...

idk ... maybe i just needed to rant... i know it will pass... i know it will come again....

i'm cutting hours there after the New Year...