MC today. Started with usual small talk. Then some stuff about our daughter and how she doesn't listen to me/respect my authority as well as H's. MC said that kids can often sense if a parent is less secure in their role or are more likely to waver in a decision (like, "OK, we don't have to go to Target if you don't want"). That it didn't mean I was doing anything wrong (because of course that's where my mind went, and he knew that). And talked about ways that I could try to show more authority with her.

Then I said how H and I had talked some one night last week (which I'd already mentioned to MC in an e-mail). H said how I'd had us both take the Love Languages quiz, and our results were basically the opposite of each other. Talked a little about that. Like how H's top one was "quality time."

I wanted H to clarify more what he meant in the previous conversation about spending more time together on the weekend (we already tend to go out to dinner, with or without D, two nights). Apparently he wants us to do things like run errands together as a family. He sees other families together at Costco, where he goes with D on Saturdays, and he wanted us to be there together sometimes. I said he knew what the downside to that was, and H was like, "Yeah, you'll buy out half of Costco." MC gave me a smile. And then proceeded to share how in grad school, he and his roommate would pile stuff from a similar warehouse store in the middle of the room and put a sheet over it to make a coffee table, as they were poor and lacking space (in NYC).

(During this part, MC got one call on his cell that he had to look at, followed by two texts. He said he had to do his usual thing, make sure not an emergency, but call and texts were from different people. That is one thing that consistently bothers me about him, because T has her phone off and in her purse during session. The rare time it goes off, she apologizes, turns it off, and doesn't look at it. But he's already explained why he has to check--I guess I felt more understanding before because of his wife. I mean, I know his kids could need him, too, but if he has to look at the numbers, that suggests it's other clients. So he's taking his focus from us to look at his phone. Sorry, rant over.)

So, then I asked if we could talk about the other thing I'd mentioned in the e-mail that he'd said we could work on, communicating emotion. MC said yes. H mentioned how he's tried to talk to me before in what we call "MC voice," but it didn't work. I said I wasn't even aware he'd tried that. MC said to stop right there, because of the fact that we were calling it that. How it can't be imitating someone else, because then it won't seem sincere. It has to be a more personal approach.

So we talked some about what it meant to express emotion in your voice. I did a terrible job trying to explain what I was looking for from H, and MC said that it's difficult to use words to describe emotions. I said how it seemed easier for me to tell H to pay attention to what MC does with his voice and body language, because it's so effective on me. But that I also felt bad comparing them. At the same time, I thought it was easier to show an example that H has seen than to try to explain.

It was around here that MC said he's not good at communicating emotion outside of his job. Which, I think is probably total BS, but whatever. I mean, I'm sure he can't be that way all the time because it would be exhausting (and probably annoying to his family), but at least some of the time. He said it was particularly an issue with his kids.

At this point, and at one point earlier in the session, I started randomly crying. Like no clear trigger. Just...stuff built up, I guess. And I think there may have been an element of, if MC can't do this in real life, then what hope is there for me to get it from H?

I tried again to explain what I was looking for, how it wasn't so much what H said--he'd given a couple examples--but how he said it. How sometimes it felt like the two emotions he expressed through his words were irritable/cranky and normal. And I was looking for something more caring and understanding.

MC said how people talk differently to children and asked if we noticed that we did that. I said I definitely changed my voice talking to D, but I didn't feel like H did as much. He said felt like he did talk differently to her but didn't have as much range in his voice so it didn't seem as different. MC demonstrated, in an exaggerated voice, how you might say "Good job!" to a baby who had done something, then compared that to how you'd say "Good Job" to an adult. He said of course he wasn't suggesting that we say "Good job!" in the manner you'd say it to a baby to each other. H gave some example of a situation for that, then MC gave the example of in the bedroom, if H were to say to me, again using his exaggerated talking-to-a-baby voice, "Good job! That felt good! You did great!" (or something like that) I was dying. H was like, "Oh God, don't ever do that again!"

That was near the end of the session. Somewhere in there, MC said how he thought H and I were a pretty good match. And he wasn't trying to say one of us had to change completely, like I wasn't expecting H to completely change how he acts, or I shouldn't have to put aside all my needs. That it's more about meeting in the middle. And I was like, "Yes, exactly, that's what I've been trying to say all along, that we both need to make changes to meet near the middle." H agreed.

Usual handshake. H and MC were joking about stuff as we walked to the waiting area. Then MC said "Take care," and I said "you too." Then I got in the car and started crying as I pulled out of the parking lot. Was a weepy mess on the way home and for a while at home, too. E-mailed MC, of course, but won't go into that here (it ended up being a reasonable length--just a few paragraphs--once I edited).