My Dad treats me with the same "love you, leave you" kind of attitude. I have come to understand it's his way of keeping himself protected from getting too close and risking emotional pain. He got hurt very bad when Mom died. I don't think he could withstand that again. Maybe your Mom has similar reasons?

I am not saying it doesn't still hurt. It does.
I'm not saying it's ok, but we all need to find our way of coping and we can't allow others to affect our coping or we can't be there for them at all.
My Dad is doing the best he can. It's not as much as I want. ... but it's what he can do, and I need to accept that

Maybe you are stuck with the same awful pill to swallow?