I haven't made much progress these days (or years?). If I can't improve, if I can't shake this general apathy and at the same time impatience over the future, what am I supposed to do? What should I do? I do know I don't want to live - like this anymore. As time passes, one loses the patience (or his head).

Ah...
As you may know, it's just too tiring.

Maybe I'll to wake up tomorrow as nothing happened (or later - as it's pretty late here right now - to be precise) but the pain is still going to be there. Hiding - like the bloody Pennywise - till its next strike. And, oh, how it hurts! The memories and hopes it arises! All that makes me even hate feeling virtually anything, as I rather detatch myself from the universe than conceive a life where I exist this way.

Wave your wands and delete me, please, so I can NOT exist in this plane of existence.