We moved from NH to the San Francisco Bay Area about 1.5 years ago. The move was especially hard on our now 11 year old. Academically, she is thriving in one of the best school systems in the United States. She has yet to make a best friend her although she has friends. We have enrolled her husband n Swimming, tennis, softball and Dance. Still no "bestie" like like she had in NH. No after after school scocializing where in NH she had an awesome group of girls that we constantly shifted house to house, but she had one special friend I will call Julie. She is not a happy kid anymore. I'm worried. So we had just settled a small claims suit for a rew thousand and invited to fly her friend, Julie, out and let my girl be a kid again.

We invited her to come out for a week. I have posted the texts. I am appalled by the response.

From my daughter to

Hi Julie, My mom and me were wondering if you can come to CA instead of me going to NH.

My parents will pay for your plane ticket. Also you can come straight from Boston to California, you don't have to change planes(so you stay on the plane till you are in California.

We will pick you up in Oakland, CA. Then we will drive to my apartment so you can rest after the flight.

You can stay for a week and we can go to the beach, Yosemite, Great America, pools🏊, and way more.

You can sleep in my room or the living room.

So can you ask your parents? My mom and your parents can talk over the phone about it.
-Natalie😁"

After this text, I spoke with Julie's Mom. She was very enthusiastic and insisted on buying the ticket. I told her we already look at non-stops from Boston to Oakland. She was saying it's fair because her older child went on a cruise recently with her friend and that she would give Julie s phone, and so on. Exact date not pinned down but mid-August was the target. I told her how happy our girl was going to be and we had wonderful plans. I said we are in a good spot we won a lawsuit so we could could have a great time.

I didn't hear back for several days so here is t how it went:
******
Talk it over and do your research. We are thrilled and can't wait. We will take wonderful care if her😀

**** then I sent
Jerry said bos to Oakland is a day flight in jet blue. John said it is a good direct flight
Just FYI
******. 6 days later....

Any idea on a timeframe yet? I know you have family there. Our offer of airfare is still open. 😊 thanks Tardell Family. Just keep me advised we can't wait

******* almost immediately we received this response:

(1/3) Hi Jane, peter and I discussed this and we agree that we are not comfortable with the idea of sending Marlaina across country until she's at least 12. Tha
(2/3) t was the same situation for Adeleine going on a cruise. It has to be fair. She does not have a phone and I don't believe she's mature enough. maybe next

(3/3) year. Sorry, but it's a firm no this year.

*****my response:
Thanks for letting me know since we were under the impression was coming. Good thing I asked as saying yes , then reversing your decision of our very generous offer is going to disappoint my child more than you can understand. "It's a firm no" is a strange way of phrasing it and makes me bewildered as to the true reason that you are drawing a red line based on a chronological age. I'm missing something here but it's your decision of course.

I'm upset because there is no attempt to phrase it like "I'm sorry but Brian and I decided....thank you the generous offer". And further peeved that they didn't tell us, I had to ask.

I apologized:

Sorry for the knee-jerk reaction. I was out of line and understand your concerns as parents. She is always welcome and it is an open invitation. I'll call you tomorrow to talk.

******
My husband called the next day. Mind you we frequently socialized, barbecue, camping, went for walks with Julia Mom and confided life's issues; we were friends.

We never received a call back.
*****my husband sent this

I understand, we would be willing to even fly there and escort her to California. Natalie is so excited and happy. She was really perked up. We are sad to tell her she's not coming after she was told she will be. We already bought some tickets and planned the week. Would you reconsider maybe 4 days instead of 7 with an escort?

******answer
Jerry I need you and Jane to understand that we are not comfortable sending our daughter to be in your care 3000 miles away from us. Things you're sayin
(2/3) g are not adding up. A lawsuit, disability,
having money but being concerned with buying park tickets but okay to spend lots of money on flights. It just
(3/3) further reinforces our decision. Natalie needs to move on and nourish new friendships. This is done, final last decision. Tricia and Peter

Wow! That's what I'm thinking. My response would have been rabid, but my calmer husband replied:
******

I do understand concern about sending your kid 3000 miles. However, with FaceTime and a plane trip home at any time if needed only taking 6 hours. Not as big a deal as it use to be.

Really, I just wish you never said she was coming. Saying that and getting a girl excited about being able to continue a friendship and then saying no is a mean and cruel thing to do. Very hurtful and not expected.

Yes as far as the tickets already purchased , we will give them to her friends out here in California , but it was a mean thing to do to an eleven year old

(1/3) Jerry, I need you and Jane to understand that we are not comfortable sending our daughter to be in your care 3000 miles away from us. Things you're sayin
(2/3) g are not adding up. A lawsuit, disability,
having money but being concerned with buying park tickets but okay to spend lots of money on flights. It just
(3/3) further reinforces our decision. Natalie needs to move on and nourish new friendships. This is done, final last decision. Tricia and Peter

*****
I don't understand concern over buying park tickets or where that came from. I was just saying I had already purchased them, because we were told she was coming. I even talked my new boss into letting me have that week off.

I do understand concern about sending your kid 3000 miles. However, with FaceTime and a plane trip home at any time if needed only taking 6 hours. Not as big a deal as it use to be.

Really, I just wish you never said she was coming. Saying that and getting a girl excited about being able to continue a friendship and then saying no is a mean and cruel thing to do. Very hurtful and not expected.

Yes as far as the tickets already purchased , we will give them to her friends out here in California , but it was a mean thing to do to an eleven yr old.

Please don't do that to other people you know in the future

********
My response at this point:

My family did not deserve what you have done and said. I have never hurt you or treated you bad. But I will now.

and I proceeded to tell her how I felt about her response to a gracious, well intended invitation.
**********
My reply was pretty nasty. This is my kid your talking about hurting. Keep in mind Julie 's mom is a good parent I thought. She wasn't a helicopter mom like they stayed at home after school and they actually walked to school alone which from my experience rare these days. The plane excuse didn't jive. Almost all airlines allow unaccompanied minors with a beginning age of five usually with a fee of 50 to 100 dollars for care. Some incidents have occurred but only with connections, about 99.4% are successful and those were with younger children without phoneI am so hurt, I sobbed, and I don't cry easily. I have bipolar but explained my action at times as depression. Her mother has depression but they think she is faking it and believe you should just snap out of it. They knew I had a mental illness and this is all I can think of. I still haven't told my daughter yet.

What do you think.daughter, she will