Hi Mickey

Firstly, I've got to say it is not your fault you're feeling this way
Feeling depression can be out of anyone's control, sure sometimes it can be possible to manage it, and possible to work through it........but we/you know that you've done so much in trying those things...........and hoping with you that it does get better........and better.......for you..........but we/you know that just deciding you're not going to be depressed isn't going to just suddenly make everything alright, yes??!!

And your parents...........depression itself can tell you all sorts of things, like you're worthless, you're useless, you're not worthy of......, you don't deserve.......which aren't true (!!)..........so it's natural, to a point, that you're going to be thinking other people are going to be thinking those things about you too............but the "real" world Mickey.........very often people aren't thinking those things at all .........and often enough the complete opposite of those things

To me.........I'd say that your parents could be very proud of you..........you have stuck with your education and come so far in it...........on here, you always come across as really supportive, kind, empathetic, sensitive, caring.........I don't know how much you're able to show that at home, but I'd say that regardless, it would be really, really, really hard for your parents not to see some of those qualities in you (however much you think they're not showing!!)...........and really, really, really hard for them not to be proud of those qualities, and of you

Alison