Hello PsychCentral,

I'm not in immediate danger of harming myself. But it seems like no matter what I do, I just can't control my anger. It's going to keep getting me in trouble, as I just lost my job due to anger (ok, technically "put on leave until I get cleared by a mental health professional," but I think they're doing that in hopes I'll get discouraged and quit, and I don't even want to go back to that job anyway). Here are some examples:

a) My cousin-in-law is a professional anger management counselor who came up with this brilliant six-step program for anger management. He says it's worked for countless clients, in fact, with a nearly 100% success rate. But no matter how many times I go over the six steps, I just HAVE to let the world know how I feel by letting out my anger.

b) A few weeks ago, before going out, I wrote in my journal how I'll no longer let stupid people control my anger and how I can no longer use stupid people as an excuse to get angry. I made sure to have it ingrained into my brain before going out, but lo and behold, after my errand, I got very angry and yelled at stupid people and even wrote a violent journal entry when I got home!

c) It seems there is no help available either. I got sent to the hospital yesterday for depression, anger, and suicide ideation. The psychiatric nurse thought I could benefit from "partial hospitalization"/outpatient therapy, but a few minutes later, she came back to my room and said, "You can just keep seeing your therapist, that'd be good enough." And then they sent me home. I guess since I have "bad" insurance (perhaps the Affordable Care Act has done more harm than good!), she couldn't find an outpatient program that my insurance would pay for.

I think the problem is that I'm tired of Americans taking everything for granted and taking their freedoms too far and so they feel entitled to do whatever they want. Too many Americans, I feel, think that rules and laws are suggestions that you might want to follow....if you feel like it. Yes, it could be the same with people in other countries, so I shouldn't pick on Americans all the time. Nonetheless, when traveling abroad, I've had to fake a foreign accent so that I wouldn't automatically come across as American.

I am indeed very scared about the future. I really want to just sell everything and move to a third-world country, like somewhere in Latin America, or Brazil, or Africa. In those countries, people truly appreciate what they have and probably take little or nothing for granted. But in order to do all that, I would have to have some way to move to that country legally and permanently, not just short-term positions. It's very hard to immigrate to the U.S. for those who want to do it legally, so why should I feel I can simply pack my suitcases and get on a plane to a different country?

I just can't control my anger living in America, so I may or may not have to resort to suicide. I know anger is just an emotion, and I shouldn't let one emotion dictate whether or not I "check out early." But it is a very hard emotion to control - my brain WANTS to do something to let others know that I'm hurt/offended.

Christians would say, "Just build a personal relationship with our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ." I myself am Christian (kind of), but not terribly devout. In today's crazy world, Christians make it sound like Jesus is the only way to happiness. I might have no choice but to live a Christian lifestyle! But organized religion still doesn't get to the root of the anger problems and depression.

Rant, rant, rant, blah, blah, blah....feel better now? I guess so, but nobody can really help me on an Internet forum either!