My girlfriend lied to me a few weeks back maintaining no-contact with her abusive narcissistic ex, during a moment of loneliness. We sort of got through that but things still didn't seem right with her so I did a little snooping and stumbled upon a handwritten document from two years ago about her soliciting a penis pic from a stranger on a dating site. Okay, there's that in the past. But in the present, she wrote me a long explanatory text that just does not jibe with what she wrote in the past. Below is the back and forth. I'm less concerned about the dic pick (although it never occurred to me that she would do such a thing) as I am with the possibility that she is lying to me in here and now.

And can we please keep the morality of snooping to a minimum? I had suspicions about something else and found this instead My bad. But there it was.

She was on a train texting with a dating-site stranger who said he had a 10" penis and writing notes about what was going on. She's 30 years older than he is. Here is what she wrote on her pad:

"So now the 29 year old wants me to send him some naughty photos. 'No, you idiot, I'm on the freaking train.' So I asked him for one. He said he needed something to make his package reveal itself to its full 10” height. What the hell am I doing? He's totally preoccupied with the size of my breasts and he's not shy about letting me know. There's something a little hinky about this whole thing. I'll have to ask him a lot more questions. At least he's responsive, if sex directed.

"Okay, so he just sent me a text which I opened in public, on the train, of his enormous schwanz. Now I don't know what to do. I want to look again, but a boy is looking over my shoulder. Holy cow. My lips are burning.”

A few days later, she wrote: "So Mr Dic Pic dropped off the face of the planet after I sent him a photo of me in my bathing suit. Nothing too revealing but certainly boobiful. Probably boinking another conquest. So very strange.,,..."

So, after seeing this, I said to her, "Really? You did this?"

She said she'd write me a text about what *really* happened. Here's what she wrote:

"That person wanted a photo from me (not what you think) and naive me, I thought by asking him for a photo first I was somehow safeguarding I don't know what. I was new to the whole online dating thing, and I got scared and deactivated my account shortly thereafter. I asked for a picture because he asked me for a photo and I didn’t believe he was going to send one…I thought it was some kind of game. Yes, I was naïve, I was an idiot. I didn’t even know it was called a **** pic. Again, I thought it was a game, and I was really wrong about that. I wish it had never happened, but it did. I made a mistake. I didn’t know what I was doing. Perhaps I was in a fugue state of my own…how am I supposed to know? What I can tell you is that it never happened again. And then he started stalking me." Regarding her getting turned on by the photo: "As I told you I described a physiological response. I’d never seen anything like it.”

Leaving aside the matter of asking for the dic pic itself, what bothers me most is her response to me. It strikes me as a pack of fabrications.

First of all, she's a woman in her 50s who has seen a lot in her life. Naive 22-year-old she is not.

Also, the writing on the train reveals a women who may be confused by what she's doing but definitely knows *exactly* what she is up to when she solicits that dic pic and her response to it seals the deal. There is nothing in there that paints her as a naive or an innocent bumpkin or someone who thought she was engaged in a game.

And then, after receiving that pic, she waited a few days, then sent him one of her own, not naked, but clearly designed to keep him interested. So she had time to think about the 10" penis and then decided to respond, to continue the exchange -- not exactly the response of a naive and or/horrified person. I guess he dropped off the scene at that time but he came back a while later and who knows what happened then. At some point, however, he became a stalker.

As to the “fugue” state possibility, that just strikes me as bizarre.

When we first started going out, she mentioned she had a stalker and led me to believe it was her rotten X from right before me. Turns out it was this 29 year old, still after her two years after the train ride.

Anyway, if you read the train-ride writing, then her own explanation to me, do you buy her explanation or not? I'm in love with this woman-- Oh, lord -- and I've spent a good amount of time looking for any excuse I can to believe her explanation to me, but I can't. I just don't buy it. But maybe I'm in the wrong here just as I'm in the wrong for snooping (although I do feel my reason with justified).